Night Owl 9/Night Owl CD-ROM (NOPV9) (Night Owl Publisher) (1993).ISO/034a/rah9305r.zip/5

Text File | 1993-05-01 | 7KB | 132 lines

A Year in the Life of a Programmer
by Greg Borek

The following are the journal entries made by a programmer over the
course of a year.  The entries for the first of each month are
sufficient to accurately describe the programmer's mental state:

Jan 1: Met with Johnson, Wibble, Burner, and team leader Edsal today
about the new program we are supposed to start.  It seems, well,
really neat.  Johnson and Wibble are going to work on the user
interface, I get the low level routines, and Burner will do the
sorting part.  We have all kinds of time to finish this so there
won't be as much pressure this time (which raises the question of why
we had to have this planning meeting on New Year's Day).  I am really
looking forward to this.

Feb 1: I had no idea that Johnson and Wibble did not like each other
that much.  Imagine Johnson dumping a can of anti-freeze (actually
caffeine free diet cherry Coke) all over Wibble's head at lunch.
Wow.  Just because Johnson found a bug in Wibble's code that Wibble
was blaming Johnson for.  I guess Wibble could have been a little
more mature than to send broadcast messages to everyone and post a
note on the company bulletin board when he found the bug and blamed
Johnson.  Anyway, I got my routines pretty much down pat; one or two
little tiny nagging bugs, but almost there.  And so early!  Burner
seems to be a little lost.  I can't imagine why he looks so perplexed
all the time.

March 1: The Johnson-Wibble feud has gotten worse.  Edsal has
prudently decided they should work on different pieces.  Since
Johnson wrote most of the user interface routines anyway, he will now
work with Burner to complete them.  Wibble started on the sorting
part, using Burner's work as a foundation.  I fixed one of those
nasty bugs in my module, but now something else is on the fritz.
Still, I'm almost done with plenty of time left.

April 1: Burner is really floundering on those user interface
routines, especially since Johnson left.  I wonder how long Johnson
will be stuck on the emergency project he got called away on.  Wibble
has once again demonstrated a bewildering lack of tact and
sensitivity by exposing the bugs in Burner's sorting code.  I mean,
Burner is nervous enough already; that can't do anyone any good.  I
have decided to rewrite one of the more basic routines I wrote now
that I have a clearer understanding of the problem.  This
simplification should fix one of those nagging bugs and improve the
performance.

May 1: You know, Edsal could be a little more understanding;
programming is a craft and should not be rushed.  I wonder just how
much programming experience he actually has.  And who cares about
intermediate goals anyway?  We have plenty of time to finish this.
Wibble is starting to get on my nerves the way he belittles everyone
else's code.  He's no genius.  It's getting so I don't want to
discuss anything with him.  Those changes I made to improve the
performance didn't help very much.  I wonder if I should put it back
the way it was.

June 1: In a way I am happy for Johnson getting a promotion and a
transfer like that.  I only wish he would be here to help finish this
project first; him I could work with.  Wibble is such a nitwit.  He
claims to have all of these abilities and experience, but the code he
puts out is disorganized and simply bad.  He claims the sorting
module is done and is now going to help Burner because work on the
user interface has stalled.  I am going to leave the low level stuff
for now and work on the sorting part.  That should only take a month
but at least that part will be done.

July 1: We first found out about Burner in the newspaper.  The police
found him walking naked along Main Street singing an obscure song
about a pig.  I only wonder where he found the 55 gallons of Cool
Whip to smear all over himself.  I could have told you it was going
to happen.  Oh, well, he's gone for at least a 6 month vacation at
the funny farm.  As expected, Wibble's sorting module is a complete
disaster.  It honestly looks like it was written by a first year
student.  As soon as I finish the mopping up I will start on the user
interface bit, which seems to be going nowhere.

August 1: Met with Wibble today.  As usual, nothing he claims to have
finished actually is.  None of the interfaces with the other modules
are the way they are supposed to be: he claims he came up with a
better idea and changed them.  It's going to take me at least a month
to change the other modules to either reflect what he did or put the
user interface back the way it's supposed to be.  I am a little
concerned that the project might take longer than I anticipated;
however, we still might be able to make the deadline if I kill Wibble
first.

September 1: Found out this week that the target hardware platform
has changed.  This should not effect the low level routines too much,
as I tried to make them as portable as possible.  At least I
finished the sorting part, and I am thoroughly satisfied that is
has been completely tested.  If Wibble so much as looks at any of
that code I will fall on him from a great height.  I think Management
has finally found out about what a complete idiot Wibble is.  They
have had speaks with him several times now and hopefully he will get
canned before he does any more damage.

October 1: I approached Edsal about hiring me some help now that
Wibble got promoted into management.  I got a bewildering answer
about the "fiscal cash flow situation as regards to the current
monetary performance standard," which I accurately took to mean 'no'.
That's OK, everything is almost under control.  The low level
routines weren't as portable as I thought but not to worry; I know
what to do to fix them.

November 1: The only question I have is, "What exactly were they
doing when they claimed to be working on the user interface?"  The
outline Johnson wrote is sound but all of the other work since then
has so convoluted the code to make it unusable.  The best course of
action would be to chuck the thing in the trash and start over, but
Edsal won't hear of it.  "We're too close to the deadline; just fix
it," he whines.  I am now convinced of two things: 1) it will take
longer to debug this monster that to start over and, 2) somewhere in
the Edsal family tree there is a Wibble.

December 1: The clients took delivery of the system today.  They seem
quite pleased with the way it turned out.  It was a tough final month
with many long nights and lots of pots of nasty coffee, but I got it
done.  Edsal got an award for correctly estimating the amount of time
the project would require and another one for not going over budget,
despite some whiny programmer on his team who kept asking for help.
Wibble got an award for his vision and expertise in this successful
programming effort, and is rumored to be in line for a vice-president
position.  I wonder if Burner has space for me in his room?     {RAH}
=================
Greg Borek is a C programmer with a "Highway Helper" (OK, "Beltway
Bandit" - but don't tell his boss we told you) in Falls Church, VA.
He has previously been mistaken for a vampire.  Netmail to: Greg
Borek at 1:261/1129.  Internet: [e-mail]